my dad is complaining about his bodyaches again. has been a few days already. it really hurts me to see his body aching all over and yet i can only help him to massage. He work so hard just for this family, or rather for me. My brother is already out into the society, earning a very decent pay. sometimes i really feel like just a fucking burden to this family of mine. Maybe 18 years ago i should not have stepped into this world. see the two folks every day worrying about money, i don't feel good inside of me also. Who in the hell can fucking understand how i feel inside? Yes, i know my job now is to study hard so next time i can provide for them, but right now the things that i see and experience at home don't really motivate me to study. I might be thinking the wrong way but yes, this is how i feel. who doesn't wish to have a good life? I don't even know whether i can get a fucking chance to repay the debt that i owed my parents. It's really far too much. I'm always being stubborn and rude. guess it's time to change. why is money always the root to problems that arises into my family? zz. i'm really mentally tired, and all i can do is only to rant here. tears dropped, no one knows. Life is unfair, absolutely true. sorry for my past stubborn-ness. from today onwards, i swear no more such rubbish.